Sober Curious
Have you noticed the buzz around buzz-free alcohol? Maybe your favorite Instagram influencer is posting about Monday Gin or the Athletic Brewing Company. Has an alcohol-free bar opened up in your neighborhood yet? If so, you can thank the Sober Curious movement.
Sober Curious is a phrase coined by author Ruby Warrington in 2016. According to her interview on ABC News, Ruby wanted to create a term that was non-judgmental and open-ended enough to really give herself permission to explore questions about drinking.
Sober Curious may have had its origins in the existing month-long sobriety challenges like Dry January and Sober October. What makes Sober Curious different is its focus on one’s relationship with alcohol as a personal choice. There’s a common misconception that cutting out alcohol means life becomes uninteresting, unpleasurable, and less fun. The Sober Curious movement tries to see this change from a different perspective – could my life be better without alcohol? Curiosity allows for flexibility without forcing oneself to commit to a change. Perhaps the Sober Curious movement has become a trend because people can experiment with sobriety while breaking from the stigma long associated with it. In other words, you don’t have to be an alcoholic to try sobriety.
There’s a fear that sobriety comes with loneliness. Alcohol goes hand in hand with being social and people who want to stop feeling lonely often rely on drinking. However, studies show that loneliness can be intensified with drinking and increases the risk of alcohol misuse.
Most of us are aware of the potential negative effects of alcohol to our bodies and yet it remains a compelling way to celebrate or escape. According to research, alcohol consumption in the US increased during the COVID 19 pandemic. COVID has made this impact due to stress triggered by financial difficulties, social isolation, uncertainty about the future, and boredom. It’s no secret that most people lean on alcohol to destress, socialize, celebrate milestones, and cope with challenges. According to the 2019 National Survey on Drug Use and Health, 85.6% of people ages 18 and older reported that they drank alcohol at some point in their lifetime and 25.8% of these people are reported to engage in binge drinking in the past month. Each one of us has a different relationship towards alcohol but being able to take a break from drinking might help you realize it’s not really necessary for you to have fun or manage stress in general.
If you aren’t dependent on alcohol but just want to evaluate the impact alcohol has on your life, the Sober Curious movement might be right for you. With Sober Curious, there’s no timeline for when you should start or end sobriety. The idea is aimed at helping validate your questions about drinking and creating a community for those curious about sobriety.
Anyone can benefit from being Sober Curious. You might want to address your drinking habits even if you don’t have a drinking problem. You might have noticed that drinking doesn’t really do much to address your problems anyway and often leaves you feeling more anxious, something known as Hangxiety. You may not feel a need to quit entirely, but you recognize that taking a break might help you find more productive ways of managing life’s challenges.
Going Sober Curious gives you the opportunity to see how sobriety or moderation might fit into your life – it is not a permanent change, at least not necessarily. Some people choose to avoid alcohol for two weeks, one month, or even up to a year. Others don’t set any time limit but commit to going without “for now” or “indefinitely.” The beauty of this strategy is in its flexibility.
You might decide to have a drink on occasion after weighing what you like and don’t like about alcohol. Many Sober Curious people who notice troubling patterns with their drinking often find that a few weeks or months of sobriety helps them practice more moderate and mindful drinking in the future. And what about all the health advantages that come with sobriety? Consider them a bonus!
We can extend the concept of Sober Curious beyond drinking to other behaviors as well – use of recreational drugs, smoking, and other potentially addictive behaviors. Being curious about our own tendencies, patterns, behaviors, and motives can be the game-changer. We tend to become fixated on a coping strategy when we believe it’s the only solution to our problem. Use curiosity and creativity to explore other ways of feeling better. You might just surprise yourself.
Should you want to learn more about Sober Curious Movement, here are some helpful resources:
- The Verywell Podcast
- Sober Curious Books:
– Sober Curious: The Blissful Sleep, Greater Focus, Limitless Presence, and Deep Connection Awaiting Us All on the Other Side of Alcohol
– The Sober Curious Reset: Change the Way You Drink in 100 Days or Less - Youtube videos:
– Being ‘Sober Curious,’ an approach to not drinking with better wellness in mind
– Ruby Warrington: Sober Curious | Commune Podcast
– The ‘Sober Curious’ Movement: What Is it? - Online articles:
– The rise of the sober curious: having it all, without alcohol
– The Beginner’s Guide To The Sober-Curious Community
If you believe your relationship with alcohol is problematic and you need more support, there are plenty of resources that address alcoholism or alcohol use disorder. Self-help resources like How to Change Your Drinking, Responsible Drinking, and Power Over Addiction (shameless self-promotion) can help you address problematic drinking. (Full disclosure, I make a small commission if you purchase books via these links).
If abstinence is your long-term goal, free community groups like AA, Refuge Recovery, and SMART Recovery are widely available. If you prefer to try moderation, check out Moderation Management groups or look for a harm reduction therapy group in your area. Meeting regularly with people who share your experience creates a sense of belongingness, understanding, and compassion and these have a huge impact on improving one’s relationship with alcohol.
If your history with alcohol is chronically problematic or if you’re also coping with depression, anxiety, or trauma then psychotherapy sessions – individual therapy and groups – can be especially helpful. Find a licensed professional who specializes in addiction or alcohol treatment and who will support you regardless in either moderation or abstinence.
Let us know if you decide to go Sober Curios. We’d love to hear how it goes and provide any additional resources you may need.
Learn MoreSubstance Abuse Treatment Options: Getting Help
Counseling? Rehab? Support groups? How does one know where to start when it comes to choosing a substance abuse treatment program?
First, you’ll want to get a formal assessment from a licensed professional to determine which treatment option is appropriate for you. Some substance abuse treatment options to consider are support groups, inpatient, and outpatient treatment.
AA, NA and other 12 Step programs
Support groups led by peers that focus on helping a person abstain from substances or behaviors.
Pros: offer additional support and can be a good place to find additional resources and information, free, many locations, various meeting dates and times
Cons: Abstinence is the only treatment goal option, lack of clinically trained support staff, religious undertones, little to no treatment for underlying psychological issues
Inpatient substance abuse treatment
Patients are required to stay in a facility for a pre-determined amount of time varying from 15 to 90 days or more.
Pros: safe, contained environment, trained professional staff, 24/7 support, sometimes the facilities are relaxing and luxurious, intensive treatment, various modalities including individual therapy, group therapy, expressive arts
Cons: expensive (plus you’ll have to take time off work), limited contact with outside support system, intensive treatment, there may be limited availability in your area
Outpatient substance abuse treatment
Patients attend treatment once or several times per week and address underlying issues plus addiction.
Pros: individualized treatment, local, clinically trained professionals, choice of abstinence or moderation, various modalities to choose from including individual therapy, group therapy, partial hospitalization or intensive outpatient
Cons: some treatment options may be expensive, may not be enough support or treatment for your needs, availability may be limited in your area
A partial hospitalization program involves daily treatment for 6 to 8 hours per day for one to two weeks. This is a good substance abuse treatment option for those who cannot afford inpatient treatment but would like intensive therapy or who live far away from an outpatient treatment program that specializes in the care they need. Intensive outpatient treatment (IOP) involves daily treatment for 1 to 2 hours per day and can last up to several months. This option works well for those who need substance abuse treatment more than once per week or who have time commitments that prohibit them from seeking more intensive treatment. IOP can even be done in the evening after work.
Some people will need to go through medical drug detoxification before starting substance abuse treatment and in some cases it may be a prerequisite for admittance into a program. If you are dependent on a substance, (especially alcohol, opiates or benzodiazepines) it is advisable to detox under medical supervision to avoid complications and discomfort from withdrawals.
Never stop using alcohol or benzodiazepines (Xanax, Klonopin, Valium, Ativan) cold turkey! The withdrawal effects can be severe and life threatening. It is necessary that you detox from these substances under medical care if you have been using them daily and at high dosages.
A note about harm reduction and abstinence: Harm reduction is at the core of all substance abuse treatment programs – abstinence based and moderation management. Harm is reduced by abstaining from the problematic behavior or through reducing negative consequences associated with it.
Learn MoreThe Truth About Addiction
Addiction is not a character flaw and it most definitely is not a choice.
Addiction is a biopsychosocial phenomenon that results in negative consequences and feelings of shame and guilt. Biological, psychological, and social factors culminate into a dependent relationship to a substance or compulsive behavior as a means of coping with distressing emotional, psychological, and environmental states.
More specifically, addiction is characterized by several criteria:
- the inability to resist an urge to consume a substance or engage in a behavior that is harmful
- an increase in tension or arousal before the act, followed by gratification and relief
- a noticeable increase in amount and frequency of the act in order to achieve the desired effect (e.g. pleasure or escape)
- over-investment of resources, such as time and money, to engage in the act
The emotions associated with addiction are one of the most notable elements. Shame, guilt and powerlessness are hallmarks of addiction and often lead to feelings of self-loathing and isolation. Individuals suffering from addiction are often misunderstood by their families and loved ones, causing them to lie and keep secrets.
This website offers information about addiction, drugs, and compulsive behaviors, including the latest news and research. Resources for people with an addiction and their loved ones can also be found here.
Informing yourself can be the first step in gaining power over your addiction.
Learn MoreWant to Drink Less? Start with Dry January!
Are you thinking of taking a break from drinking? Maybe you overdid it over the holidays or you’ve noticed that your alcohol intake has steadily increased since the pandemic started. Perhaps you just aren’t getting the same enjoyment from a glass of wine or you’d like to get a healthier start to the new year. Whatever the reason, the perfect opportunity to take a break from alcohol is Dry January.
What is Dry January?
Dry January is a public health campaign that encourages people to abstain from drinking alcohol for the whole month of January. It’s an opportune time to take a break from drinking after the excesses of the holidays and usually lines up with people’s intentions to start off the new year with healthier habits.
This is the most popular of the month-long sober campaigns, so you’re sure to encounter lots of resources and support. You’re more likely to be successful if you plan ahead and share your intentions with others. Find an accountability partner who will either participate in Dry January with you or check in about it regularly.
Is Dry January worth it?
Dry January lets you have a taste of sobriety without feeling overwhelmed by the idea of giving alcohol up forever. It’s a useful experiment for folks who are sober curious and a great way to establish healthier drinking habits.
In addition, you’ll save some money, get better sleep, and improve liver and brain function. 31 days may seem like a long time if you’ve been drinking regularly and the first two weeks are usually the hardest. But if you can commit, there’s a lot you can learn about your relationship with alcohol.
Without the ability to cope with alcohol, you can uncover hidden feelings and unmet needs. Do you always have the urge to drink after work? What does this mean about your job, the work environment, or your work-life balance? Do you only overdrink in social situations? Could this indicate that you’ve been drinking to self-medicate social anxiety? Use Dry January to learn about changes that could improve your quality of life.
How do I know if Dry January is right for me?
A lot of us use alcohol to cope with boredom and stress or to have fun. But if you’re getting less enjoyment from drinking, it’s a strong indication that you should take a break. Are you feeling shame or guilt after drinking? Have others expressed concerns about your behavior? Are you having trouble keeping commitments?
It’s also a good idea to take a break if you’re drinking more than you’d like, more often than you’re comfortable with, and you find it increasingly difficult to stop yourself. Physical signs that you should drink less include shakiness or tremors (known as delirium tremens), redness in the nose or cheeks, frequent injuries, gastrointestinal issues, and brittle nails and hair due to chronic dehydration.
If you notice that reducing your alcohol intake leads to trembling, altered consciousness, hallucinations, or an irregular heartbeat contact your doctor right away. These are signs of severe alcohol withdrawal and they could lead to death. It’s actually better for you to not stop drinking completely and to go through a medicated detox instead.
How to Stop Drinking for Dry January
Want to give this challenge a try? Here are some tips and suggestions to succeed at Dry January:
1. Hide your booze
If you’re going to try Dry January, you might want to consider keeping alcohol out of sight and out of mind. Start by putting your alcohol stash away. Not that you have to throw it out, but you should place it somewhere where you can’t see it in plain sight – when you’re watching TV or working at your desk. You might try storing the alcohol in places where it’s hard to get to – like on the top shelf of a cupboard, in the garage, or even at your friend’s house. The moment you feel that it’s effortful to grab your beer, it might trick your mind that it’s not worth it.
2. Build some new social rituals
Focusing your mind on something else is also a good way to distract yourself from drinking alcohol. You might want to consider recruiting a partner for this challenge. Not only will going in on your alcohol-free month with a companion hold you more accountable, you’ll also have a built-in buddy to do non-drinking activities with. This person can be your support system, someone who can remind you why you signed up for the challenge.
Come up with healthy, compelling alternatives to drinking: long hikes, rock climbing, surfing, or biking – which are more fun if you have a buddy with you.
3. Make sure you have tasty, non-alcoholic beverage options
There’s a booming trend of non-alcoholic beverages ranging from alcohol-free beer and wine to gins. These mocktails might scratch the itch if you’re really missing the taste of hops or the herbaceousness of a terroir. Check out Monday Gin, Seedlip, or one of Athletic Brewing Company‘s delicious craft non-alcoholic beers.
4. Keep a journal
Keeping track of how you feel during Dry January can help you identify rewards that may not be obvious, like less conflict in your relationship or reduced anxiety levels. In fact, it’s best to start journaling now while you’re still drinking. This way, you can compare how drinking is currently impacting you versus at the end of a sober month.
Dry January encourages people to think about their drinking and engage in healthier habits throughout the year. Being alcohol-free for 31 days gives you the opportunity to experience enjoyment, relaxation, or socializing without booze and helps us develop skills to control our drinking. That implies we’ll be better equipped to make decisions about when and how much we drink for the rest of the year, preventing us from drinking more than we desire.
If you find that 31 days aren’t enough, you might want to consider seeking professional help. There are plenty of resources that address alcoholism or alcohol use disorder. Self-help workbooks like Responsible Drinking, How to Change Your Drinking, Over the Influence, and (shameless self-promotion) Power Over Addiction can help you interrupt problematic behaviors with alcohol. (Full disclosure, I make a small commission if you purchase books via these links).
Self-help groups like AA, Refuge Recovery, and SMART Recovery are widely available if abstinence is your long-term goal. If you prefer to try moderation, check out Moderation Management groups or look for a harm reduction therapy group in your area. Interacting with people who are going through the same experience as you is a big help. The sense of belongingness, being understood, and not judged is a big factor in one’s journey to improving their relationship with alcohol.
Psychotherapy sessions – individual therapy and groups, can be especially helpful if you’ve had a chronic problematic relationship with alcohol or if you’re also impacted by other psychological problems like depression, anxiety, or trauma. Find a licensed professional in your area who specializes in addiction or alcohol treatment and who will support your chosen goal of either moderation or abstinence.
Let us know if you decide to try Dry January. We’d love to hear how it goes and if there are other resources we can provide. We hope you have a restful holiday season and a healthy new year!
Learn MoreGo Sober for October
The holiday season is coming and we all know what that means – stress, social engagement, and plenty of opportunities to drink. Add a global pandemic to the mix and our chances of wanting to cope with alcohol increase significantly. If you’re worried about drinking too much or you want to try abstaining this holiday season, join the Sober October movement and practice sobriety from alcohol October 1st thru 31st.
Why it’s important to take a break from alcohol
Why bother taking a month off before the holidays? Or at all? Our body gains tolerance when we do something consistently such as exercise like running and yoga – the more you keep on doing it, the less body aches and muscle pains we get. The same thing goes for drinking alcohol, only with an opposite effect. Drinking regularly not only is bad for our health but also increases our body’s alcohol tolerance which isn’t exactly a good thing. It means that we need to consume more and more alcohol over time to achieve the desired effect.
You may have already noticed a change in your tolerance over the last year and half. More Americans are turning to alcohol to escape stress and loneliness. Taking a month off gives the brain and the body a chance to reset. So if you’re up to a bottle of wine after work most nights, taking a month off could help that bottle last 3 or 4 nights. Not only are there obvious benefits to your health from reduced drinking, but it’s easy on your wallet too.
If you want to take a break from drinking, it’s important that you first assess your relationship with alcohol. Drastically cutting off drinking alcohol may have negative effects on your mood and your physical safety. Try to ask yourself, what is alcohol to you? How and when do you use it? How does it make you feel? What needs are you trying to meet by drinking? The answers to these questions will help you find compelling alternatives during your break and increase your chances of a successful Sober October.
If you notice that reducing your alcohol intake leads to trembling, altered consciousness, hallucinations, or an irregular heartbeat contact your doctor right away. These are signs of severe alcohol withdrawal and they could lead to death. It’s actually better for you to not stop drinking completely and to go through a medicated detox instead.
What to expect when taking a break from alcohol
Most people can expect mild symptoms of alcohol withdrawal like irritability, agitation, and fatigue. This is totally normal as the brain is anticipating a hit of dopamine that it’s not receiving. These symptoms should subside within a few days or two weeks at most.
Your mind and body will need time to adjust to the feeling of not getting intoxicated. Just like any other habit, the brain will get used to it. In fact, research shows that most people find themselves feeling happier and less anxious when they take a break from drinking. You may experience something known as the “pink cloud” where you feel euphoric as brain chemicals start to shift after a couple of days without drinking.
The benefits of taking a month off from drinking
Taking a month off from drinking comes with a lot of benefits not only to your body but also to other aspects of life. For one, not drinking for a month saves you money. The average cost of a craft bottle of beer is $2. If you’re drinking a couple of six packs every week you’re spending $96 every month. It’s not much but it’s still money you can spend on something else.
Secondly, by cutting off alcohol, your sleep becomes better. I know a lot of people who drink a glass of wine or a bottle of beer before sleeping thinking that doing so can help them fall asleep faster. What they don’t know is that alcohol affects the ability of our brain to reach REM sleep – the type of sleep that restores our body and helps us feel more rested.
The break can also pave the way for new ways of socializing. Instead of partying and drinking, you might want to have coffee or work out with family and friends. This could free up the time and energy you need to explore a new hobby or start that creative project you’ve been dreaming about.
Most importantly, taking a month off from drinking will surely give your liver a break. The liver helps remove toxins from our blood supply and is responsible for over 500 tasks in the body, especially digestive and metabolic functions. By reducing consumption of alcohol your liver will be better able to absorb nutrients, filter toxins, and store energy – your body will thank you for that.
Another benefit of not drinking is weight loss. Although it doesn’t happen instantly, a lot of people who took a break from drinking showed significant changes in their weight primarily because of the decrease in calories simply by removing alcohol from their diet. On the contrary, some people also gain weight the moment they take a break from drinking. Their appetite increases, making them eat and crave food once they stop drinking. If you notice an increase in your intake of unhealthy foods, try drinking a full glass of water before eating. Sometimes dehydration can feel like hunger.
Signs that you need to take a break from drinking
If drinking is affecting the way you think, feel and act, it’s time to take a break. Notice your self-talk after a session of drinking. Are you shaming yourself? Feeling guilty? Are others expressing concern about your behavior? Are you having trouble performing daily activities? Is your job becoming more challenging due to drinking? These are all cues to take a break.
It’s also a good idea to take a break if you are drinking more than you’d like, more often than you’re comfortable with, and you find it increasingly difficult to stop yourself. Physical signs that you should drink less include shakiness or tremors (known as delirium tremens), redness in the nose or cheeks, frequent injuries, gastrointestinal issues, and brittle nails and hair due to chronic dehydration.
How to manage urges to drink while taking a break
Once you’ve decided you want to take a break from drinking, make a commitment to see it to the end of the month. Make a note of your intentions, hopes, and goals. How will you know the break has been successful? How will you feel? What feedback will you receive from loved ones? How will your drinking change in November, December, January? Revisit these questions whenever you feel like having a drink.
Take time to think about what will trigger you to drink during the month. One of the top reasons people drink is because of their peers. A lot of people say they need alcohol to socialize. Our nerves calm down once we take a sip of alcohol, allowing us to feel more comfortable with social interactions. Be mindful of who you choose to spend time with during this month. If it feels safe, let your friends know that you’re participating in Sober October and opt for activities that don’t involve drinking. If you’re going to be around alcohol, make sure you have a tasty, non-alcoholic beverage option. This would be a great time to try Monday Gin, Seedlip, or one of Athletic Brewing Company‘s delicious craft non-alcoholic beers.
The best way to manage urges to drink while taking a break is to come up with fun, compelling alternatives to drinking. Distract yourself by doing things not related to drinking and alcohol – healthy alternatives like exercising, cooking, biking or even reading books. It’s also helpful to talk it out with someone you trust. Acknowledge the feeling of having the urge to drink and share your thoughts and feelings about it with someone who understands. Most importantly, remind yourself why you are taking a break from drinking. What values are you honoring by taking 30 days off? How does participating in Sober October help you achieve other goals?
A month-long break from drinking is going to be a rough but rewarding ride. There will be bumps and hiccups along the way and that’s okay. It’s important that your loved ones are onboard during the process. Their mere presence can help you focus on your goals and remind you of your reasons for abstaining.
What if 30 days of abstinence isn’t long enough?
This journey differs from person to person. You might find that 30 days aren’t enough and that’s when you might want to consider seeking professional help. There are a lot of resources that can help you address alcoholism or an alcohol use disorder. Self-help workbooks like Responsible Drinking, How to Change Your Drinking, Over the Influence, and (shameless self-promotion) Power Over Addiction can help you interrupt problematic behaviors with alcohol. (Full disclosure, I make a small commission if you purchase these books via these links).
Self-help groups like AA, Refuge Recovery, and SMART Recovery are widely available if abstinence is your long-term goal. If you prefer to try moderation, check out Moderation Management groups or look for a harm reduction therapy group in your area. Interacting with people who are going through the same experience as you is a big help. The sense of belongingness, being understood, and not judged is a big factor in one’s journey to improving their relationship with alcohol.
Psychotherapy sessions – individual therapy and groups, can be especially helpful if you’ve had a long-term problematic relationship with alcohol or if you’re also impacted by other psychological problems like depression, anxiety, or trauma. Find a licensed professional in your area who specializes in addiction or alcohol treatment and who will support your chosen goal of either moderation or abstinence. And it’s ok if you don’t know yet! They should be able to help you with that choice.
If you decide to participate in Sober October, reach out and let us know how it’s going! And hey, if now is not the right time to take a break there’s always next month. Or maybe February, the shortest month of the year.
Learn MoreGo from Surviving to Thriving
Often times, the people who I support are attempting to fill a parent-sized void with addiction. They have unmet needs from childhood or they’re survivors of trauma. Regardless of the degree of severity, addiction becomes a tool for coping with stressors and unpleasant emotions. Over time, the person develops a relationship to their drug or compulsive behavior of choice and an attachment bond forms. More often than not, this attachment is seen as a source of stability, predictability, and comfort — much like the attachment one expects from healthy parenting.
This is not necessarily bad and, in fact, can be seen as an adaptive survival strategy when a person lacks other tools. Without emotional regulation skills or the bandwidth required for self-reflection, it’s very easy for anyone to turn to problematic coping strategies. However, recovery from addiction is only possible when one cultivates awareness around these attempts to fill a void and responds in an intentional way.
Here are some indications of maladaptive coping:
- Feelings of shame following the attempt to cope
- I used ketamine to escape overwhelming feelings of rage but I’ve been trying to abstain from using it.
- Interruptions to work and relationships
- A fear of being judged by my partner leads me to drink in secret to cope with trauma symptoms
- Need for more coping due to the intervention
- After drinking too much to cope with loneliness, I feel hungover and turn to compulsive sexual behaviors for comfort.
The need to manage feelings of rage, loneliness, and anxiety is real and healthy. Your need for coping is not the problem, it’s the maladaptive strategies being implemented. What’s one small thing you can do today to become more aware of your emotional and relational needs?
- Meditate for 5 minutes
- Jot down all your feelings at the end of the day
- Journal for 5 minutes before bed
- Take 5 minutes to reflect on feelings of anger, resentment, or betrayal
The difference between surviving and thriving lies in the choice to make intentional, thoughtful, and empowered choices to cope versus impulsive, desperate, and destructive ones. Thriving means living your best life, being your best self, and managing your mental health despite the challenges life throws your way. It doesn’t mean life is perfect or easy, but it does mean that you feel confident, competent, and willing to tackle stress, pain, and urges to engage in problematic drug use.
Let us know in the comments how you cultivate awareness around your needs. We’d also love to hear about the healthy coping strategies you implement for relapse prevention.