Sober Curious
Have you noticed the buzz around buzz-free alcohol? Maybe your favorite Instagram influencer is posting about Monday Gin or the Athletic Brewing Company. Has an alcohol-free bar opened up in your neighborhood yet? If so, you can thank the Sober Curious movement.
Sober Curious is a phrase coined by author Ruby Warrington in 2016. According to her interview on ABC News, Ruby wanted to create a term that was non-judgmental and open-ended enough to really give herself permission to explore questions about drinking.
Sober Curious may have had its origins in the existing month-long sobriety challenges like Dry January and Sober October. What makes Sober Curious different is its focus on one’s relationship with alcohol as a personal choice. There’s a common misconception that cutting out alcohol means life becomes uninteresting, unpleasurable, and less fun. The Sober Curious movement tries to see this change from a different perspective – could my life be better without alcohol? Curiosity allows for flexibility without forcing oneself to commit to a change. Perhaps the Sober Curious movement has become a trend because people can experiment with sobriety while breaking from the stigma long associated with it. In other words, you don’t have to be an alcoholic to try sobriety.
There’s a fear that sobriety comes with loneliness. Alcohol goes hand in hand with being social and people who want to stop feeling lonely often rely on drinking. However, studies show that loneliness can be intensified with drinking and increases the risk of alcohol misuse.
Most of us are aware of the potential negative effects of alcohol to our bodies and yet it remains a compelling way to celebrate or escape. According to research, alcohol consumption in the US increased during the COVID 19 pandemic. COVID has made this impact due to stress triggered by financial difficulties, social isolation, uncertainty about the future, and boredom. It’s no secret that most people lean on alcohol to destress, socialize, celebrate milestones, and cope with challenges. According to the 2019 National Survey on Drug Use and Health, 85.6% of people ages 18 and older reported that they drank alcohol at some point in their lifetime and 25.8% of these people are reported to engage in binge drinking in the past month. Each one of us has a different relationship towards alcohol but being able to take a break from drinking might help you realize it’s not really necessary for you to have fun or manage stress in general.
If you aren’t dependent on alcohol but just want to evaluate the impact alcohol has on your life, the Sober Curious movement might be right for you. With Sober Curious, there’s no timeline for when you should start or end sobriety. The idea is aimed at helping validate your questions about drinking and creating a community for those curious about sobriety.
Anyone can benefit from being Sober Curious. You might want to address your drinking habits even if you don’t have a drinking problem. You might have noticed that drinking doesn’t really do much to address your problems anyway and often leaves you feeling more anxious, something known as Hangxiety. You may not feel a need to quit entirely, but you recognize that taking a break might help you find more productive ways of managing life’s challenges.
Going Sober Curious gives you the opportunity to see how sobriety or moderation might fit into your life – it is not a permanent change, at least not necessarily. Some people choose to avoid alcohol for two weeks, one month, or even up to a year. Others don’t set any time limit but commit to going without “for now” or “indefinitely.” The beauty of this strategy is in its flexibility.
You might decide to have a drink on occasion after weighing what you like and don’t like about alcohol. Many Sober Curious people who notice troubling patterns with their drinking often find that a few weeks or months of sobriety helps them practice more moderate and mindful drinking in the future. And what about all the health advantages that come with sobriety? Consider them a bonus!
We can extend the concept of Sober Curious beyond drinking to other behaviors as well – use of recreational drugs, smoking, and other potentially addictive behaviors. Being curious about our own tendencies, patterns, behaviors, and motives can be the game-changer. We tend to become fixated on a coping strategy when we believe it’s the only solution to our problem. Use curiosity and creativity to explore other ways of feeling better. You might just surprise yourself.
Should you want to learn more about Sober Curious Movement, here are some helpful resources:
- The Verywell Podcast
- Sober Curious Books:
– Sober Curious: The Blissful Sleep, Greater Focus, Limitless Presence, and Deep Connection Awaiting Us All on the Other Side of Alcohol
– The Sober Curious Reset: Change the Way You Drink in 100 Days or Less - Youtube videos:
– Being ‘Sober Curious,’ an approach to not drinking with better wellness in mind
– Ruby Warrington: Sober Curious | Commune Podcast
– The ‘Sober Curious’ Movement: What Is it? - Online articles:
– The rise of the sober curious: having it all, without alcohol
– The Beginner’s Guide To The Sober-Curious Community
If you believe your relationship with alcohol is problematic and you need more support, there are plenty of resources that address alcoholism or alcohol use disorder. Self-help resources like How to Change Your Drinking, Responsible Drinking, and Power Over Addiction (shameless self-promotion) can help you address problematic drinking. (Full disclosure, I make a small commission if you purchase books via these links).
If abstinence is your long-term goal, free community groups like AA, Refuge Recovery, and SMART Recovery are widely available. If you prefer to try moderation, check out Moderation Management groups or look for a harm reduction therapy group in your area. Meeting regularly with people who share your experience creates a sense of belongingness, understanding, and compassion and these have a huge impact on improving one’s relationship with alcohol.
If your history with alcohol is chronically problematic or if you’re also coping with depression, anxiety, or trauma then psychotherapy sessions – individual therapy and groups – can be especially helpful. Find a licensed professional who specializes in addiction or alcohol treatment and who will support you regardless in either moderation or abstinence.
Let us know if you decide to go Sober Curios. We’d love to hear how it goes and provide any additional resources you may need.
Learn MoreWant to Drink Less? Start with Dry January!
Are you thinking of taking a break from drinking? Maybe you overdid it over the holidays or you’ve noticed that your alcohol intake has steadily increased since the pandemic started. Perhaps you just aren’t getting the same enjoyment from a glass of wine or you’d like to get a healthier start to the new year. Whatever the reason, the perfect opportunity to take a break from alcohol is Dry January.
What is Dry January?
Dry January is a public health campaign that encourages people to abstain from drinking alcohol for the whole month of January. It’s an opportune time to take a break from drinking after the excesses of the holidays and usually lines up with people’s intentions to start off the new year with healthier habits.
This is the most popular of the month-long sober campaigns, so you’re sure to encounter lots of resources and support. You’re more likely to be successful if you plan ahead and share your intentions with others. Find an accountability partner who will either participate in Dry January with you or check in about it regularly.
Is Dry January worth it?
Dry January lets you have a taste of sobriety without feeling overwhelmed by the idea of giving alcohol up forever. It’s a useful experiment for folks who are sober curious and a great way to establish healthier drinking habits.
In addition, you’ll save some money, get better sleep, and improve liver and brain function. 31 days may seem like a long time if you’ve been drinking regularly and the first two weeks are usually the hardest. But if you can commit, there’s a lot you can learn about your relationship with alcohol.
Without the ability to cope with alcohol, you can uncover hidden feelings and unmet needs. Do you always have the urge to drink after work? What does this mean about your job, the work environment, or your work-life balance? Do you only overdrink in social situations? Could this indicate that you’ve been drinking to self-medicate social anxiety? Use Dry January to learn about changes that could improve your quality of life.
How do I know if Dry January is right for me?
A lot of us use alcohol to cope with boredom and stress or to have fun. But if you’re getting less enjoyment from drinking, it’s a strong indication that you should take a break. Are you feeling shame or guilt after drinking? Have others expressed concerns about your behavior? Are you having trouble keeping commitments?
It’s also a good idea to take a break if you’re drinking more than you’d like, more often than you’re comfortable with, and you find it increasingly difficult to stop yourself. Physical signs that you should drink less include shakiness or tremors (known as delirium tremens), redness in the nose or cheeks, frequent injuries, gastrointestinal issues, and brittle nails and hair due to chronic dehydration.
If you notice that reducing your alcohol intake leads to trembling, altered consciousness, hallucinations, or an irregular heartbeat contact your doctor right away. These are signs of severe alcohol withdrawal and they could lead to death. It’s actually better for you to not stop drinking completely and to go through a medicated detox instead.
How to Stop Drinking for Dry January
Want to give this challenge a try? Here are some tips and suggestions to succeed at Dry January:
1. Hide your booze
If you’re going to try Dry January, you might want to consider keeping alcohol out of sight and out of mind. Start by putting your alcohol stash away. Not that you have to throw it out, but you should place it somewhere where you can’t see it in plain sight – when you’re watching TV or working at your desk. You might try storing the alcohol in places where it’s hard to get to – like on the top shelf of a cupboard, in the garage, or even at your friend’s house. The moment you feel that it’s effortful to grab your beer, it might trick your mind that it’s not worth it.
2. Build some new social rituals
Focusing your mind on something else is also a good way to distract yourself from drinking alcohol. You might want to consider recruiting a partner for this challenge. Not only will going in on your alcohol-free month with a companion hold you more accountable, you’ll also have a built-in buddy to do non-drinking activities with. This person can be your support system, someone who can remind you why you signed up for the challenge.
Come up with healthy, compelling alternatives to drinking: long hikes, rock climbing, surfing, or biking – which are more fun if you have a buddy with you.
3. Make sure you have tasty, non-alcoholic beverage options
There’s a booming trend of non-alcoholic beverages ranging from alcohol-free beer and wine to gins. These mocktails might scratch the itch if you’re really missing the taste of hops or the herbaceousness of a terroir. Check out Monday Gin, Seedlip, or one of Athletic Brewing Company‘s delicious craft non-alcoholic beers.
4. Keep a journal
Keeping track of how you feel during Dry January can help you identify rewards that may not be obvious, like less conflict in your relationship or reduced anxiety levels. In fact, it’s best to start journaling now while you’re still drinking. This way, you can compare how drinking is currently impacting you versus at the end of a sober month.
Dry January encourages people to think about their drinking and engage in healthier habits throughout the year. Being alcohol-free for 31 days gives you the opportunity to experience enjoyment, relaxation, or socializing without booze and helps us develop skills to control our drinking. That implies we’ll be better equipped to make decisions about when and how much we drink for the rest of the year, preventing us from drinking more than we desire.
If you find that 31 days aren’t enough, you might want to consider seeking professional help. There are plenty of resources that address alcoholism or alcohol use disorder. Self-help workbooks like Responsible Drinking, How to Change Your Drinking, Over the Influence, and (shameless self-promotion) Power Over Addiction can help you interrupt problematic behaviors with alcohol. (Full disclosure, I make a small commission if you purchase books via these links).
Self-help groups like AA, Refuge Recovery, and SMART Recovery are widely available if abstinence is your long-term goal. If you prefer to try moderation, check out Moderation Management groups or look for a harm reduction therapy group in your area. Interacting with people who are going through the same experience as you is a big help. The sense of belongingness, being understood, and not judged is a big factor in one’s journey to improving their relationship with alcohol.
Psychotherapy sessions – individual therapy and groups, can be especially helpful if you’ve had a chronic problematic relationship with alcohol or if you’re also impacted by other psychological problems like depression, anxiety, or trauma. Find a licensed professional in your area who specializes in addiction or alcohol treatment and who will support your chosen goal of either moderation or abstinence.
Let us know if you decide to try Dry January. We’d love to hear how it goes and if there are other resources we can provide. We hope you have a restful holiday season and a healthy new year!
Learn MoreTips for Dealing with your Family and Drinking Less During the Holidays
The holidays are a time of festivities, joy, family, and friends. It can also be a time of stress, consumerism, high levels of demand, and lots of libations. Whether it be food preparation, decorations, shopping for gifts, cleaning, entertaining, or planning family events – these can all add to the stress of the season.
Whether at the company party or over dinner with the family, the holiday season introduces many opportunities to drink. In fact, according to the Distilled Spirits Council, the distilled spirits industry makes more than 25% of its profits between Thanksgiving and New Year’s Day.
Add a global pandemic to the mix and our chances of coping with alcohol increase significantly. For some, the added stress of the holidays or painful memories can trigger compulsive drinking. For those who already engage in problematic drinking, the stress can worsen drinking behaviors.
The good news is that we can navigate family events to make them more bearable (including avoiding them altogether) and we can create alcohol moderation or abstinence plans to help us manage how much we drink.
For some of us, the holidays are the only opportunity we get to spend quality time with loved ones and catch up. But these occasions are often accompanied by emotional pitfalls and triggers – and that’s normal.
How to Cope with Family Gatherings
Instead of drinking your way through that awkward conversation with your uncle, here are some tips on how to cope up with family gatherings over the holidays:
1. Have a Plan
To prevent yourself from getting caught in an uncomfortable situation, make a list of topics and people you want to avoid. Speak up when you feel uncomfortable and offer an alternative topic to talk about. Make a list of topics you feel comfortable with so you don’t have to come up with one on the spot.
Consider meeting with relatives or friends before gatherings to hash out past conflicts or resentments. Meeting in a public space like a coffee shop to apologize or communicate your needs can be more disarming than attempting the conversation under the influence of alcohol.
2. Prioritize Your Self-Care
Don’t negate your need for sleep, exercise, and healthy foods over the holidays. You will have access to more patience, grace, and empathy if you’re feeling well rested. Your stress levels will be lower if you’ve had a chance to get some cardio before a triggering family gathering. And while the holidays are an excuse to indulge in our favorite treats, make sure you’re also getting the nutrients your brain needs to produce mood regulating neurotransmitters.
3. Choose a Safe Place to Escape
If you’re familiar with the venue, pick a safe place you can go to when you feel overwhelmed. Have an alternate location where you know you can take a moment to calm yourself down without anyone interfering. This may mean having an exit plan if you become too triggered. Consider staying in a hotel or with a friend and renting a car so you don’t have to depend on relatives to get around.
4. Don’t Take Negative Comments to Heart
It is a reality that some of our family members criticize a little too much. The key is to not take negative comments to heart. It’s not going to be easy, but doing so can lessen your stress and anxiety. If the commentary becomes unbearable, set a boundary and let your family member know you’d rather not hear their opinions about you. And if boundary setting doesn’t stop them, be prepared to leave. You’ll ultimately gain more respect by walking away than taking the bait.
5. Small Talk Is Not Your Enemy
Small talk can be awkward but it can also be a great way to get reacquainted with a family member you haven’t seen in a while or someone you want to get to know better. Don’t be pressured to always know what to say, just enjoy the conversations that happen naturally. And if you can’t stand another round of “How has the pandemic changed your life?” check out these 36 questions known to increase closeness.
6. Create Boundaries
You have to expect that nosy relatives may ask too many questions or deeply personal ones. If you are caught in a situation with a loved one who pries too much, remember you are under no obligation to answer their questions. Politely steer the conversation in a different direction or kindly tell them you’d rather not answer.
In addition to conversation boundaries, you may also need to implement physical boundaries with your family. This means considering staying at a hotel instead of a relative’s home or significantly limiting how much time you spend with your family. It’s ok if you can only stay for an hour or two. Remember that you’re an adult capable of making your own decisions based on your needs and preferences. These choices may lead to awkward conversations or feelings of disappointment, but your emotional safety and comfort are worth it.
The holidays may be a stressful time, but they are also a wonderful time to share with the people you love—including yourself. Make the most of this time with those you care about. Create an intention to connect with someone over the holiday; that may even be yourself.
Create an Alcohol Moderation or Abstinence Plan
In addition to managing family dynamics, having an alcohol moderation or abstinence plan will help you manage urges to drink.
But before you decide whether moderation or abstinence is best for you, it’s important to assess your relationship with alcohol. Drastically cutting off alcohol may have negative effects on your mood and your physical safety. Ask yourself, how and when do you use alcohol? How does it make you feel? What needs are you trying to meet by drinking?
If you notice that reduced drinking leads to trembling, altered consciousness, hallucinations, or an irregular heart beat, contact your doctor right away. These are signs of severe alcohol withdrawal and could lead to death. It’s actually better for you to not stop drinking completely and to go through a medicated detox instead.
Once you’ve decided you want to reduce or take a break from drinking, make note of your intentions, hopes, and goals. How long of a break will you take? How many drinks per day or week do you want to limit yourself to? How will you know your efforts have been successful? How will you feel? What feedback will you receive from loved ones? Revisit these questions whenever you feel like having a drink.
Take time to think about what will trigger you to drink during the holidays. One of the top reasons people drink is stress. Because alcohol is a depressant and releases GABA in the brain our nerves calm down once we take a sip, allowing us to feel more relaxed.
Be mindful of who you choose to spend time with, set a spending limit, schedule breaks from work and social events, and be mindful of the media you’re consuming. If it feels safe, let your friends know that you’re on a drinking break and opt for activities that don’t involve drinking. If you’re going to be around alcohol, make sure you have a tasty, non-alcoholic beverage option. This would be a great time to try Monday Gin, Seedlip, or one of Athletic Brewing Company‘s delicious craft non-alcoholic beers.
The best way to manage urges to drink while taking a break is to come up with fun, compelling alternatives. Distract yourself by doing things not related to drinking and alcohol – exercising, cooking, biking or reading. It’s also helpful to talk it out with someone you trust. Acknowledge the feeling of having the urge to drink and share your thoughts and feelings about it with someone who understands. Most importantly, remind yourself why you are taking a break or cutting back on drinking. What values are you honoring by changing your relationship with alcohol?
Abstinence from all alcoholic beverages may be the best strategy. But for those who don’t want to abstain or who simply want to be mindful of how much alcohol they consume, moderation is key.
Tips for moderating alcohol during the holidays
- Drink on a full stomach. Pair your wine or beer with delicious cheeses. Don’t forget snacks when planning a cocktail party. Plan for dinner before heading to the company holiday party.
- Plan your night before you start drinking. Think about how many hours you will be partying and set a limit of how many drinks you’d like to have. Remember it takes approximately one hour to metabolize one drink. And one drink is probably less than you think: a 12 oz beer, a 5 oz glass of wine, or 1.5 oz of 80 proof liquor. Tell someone supportive about your plan—a spouse, friend, coworker, or family member. Ask them to check in with you to help keep you accountable.
- Count your drinks. If you’re drinking beer, keep the bottle caps in your pocket or purse to help you keep count. Keep pennies in your left pocket and move one over to your right pocket each time you have a cocktail. Send yourself a text each time you order a new drink.
- Drink a full glass of water between each alcoholic beverage. Hydrate and keep hangovers at bay!
- Dress up a non-alcoholic beverage like a cocktail. Cranberry juice with a lime looks just like a Cape Cod. Same goes for Sprite and soda water. If you’re drinking beer, refill your bottle with water. No one will know the difference!
- Lighten up! Turn that glass of wine into a spritzer with some soda water. Go for a lower ABV beer. Instead of a shot of tequila, how about adding some ice and ginger ale? If you start with a cocktail, consider switching to beer. The lower alcohol content will be absorbed more slowly.
- Arrive late to the event or leave early. Seeing others intoxicated may motivate you to moderate. Plus, it will likely be very entertaining! Make an intention to mingle for 30 minutes before you start drinking. Set the tone for the night.
- Sip, don’t gulp your drink. Practice mindful drinking. Describe the notes of that IPA on your nose (“Ah, yes. It smells of a warm summer day frolicking in the grass.”) and on your palette (“And tastes of toasty, roasted hops.”) Write a mental review of each drink you have. Be mindful about the experience the drink is creating for you. Is it sweet or sour? Cold or room temperature? Does it conjure memories?
- Pay attention to self-talk. Are you trying to convince yourself to drink more because “it’s the holidays” and you “deserve it?” Check in with yourself before each drink. Do you really want another one? Will it get in the way of any plans you’ve made for the rest of the evening or tomorrow?
- Don’t forget to have fun! Focus on your friends, family, coworkers, and the setting. Let the experience engross you. Dance!
This should go without saying, but please do not drink and drive. It is estimated that 1,200 people will die this holiday season due to drunk or buzzed driving. Always designate a sober driver or make other arrangements to get home after a night of drinking.
If you think you have a drinking problem or are struggling with moderation, there are many ways to get help. Self-help workbooks like Responsible Drinking, How to Change Your Drinking, Over the Influence, and (shameless self-promotion) Power Over Addiction can help you interrupt problematic behaviors with alcohol. (Full disclosure, I make a small commission if you purchase these books via these links).
Self-help groups like AA, Refuge Recovery, and SMART Recovery are widely available if abstinence is your long-term goal. If you prefer to try moderation, check out Moderation Management groups or look for a harm reduction therapy group in your area. Interacting with people who are going through the same experience as you is a big help. The sense of belongingness, understanding, and compassion are big factors in improving one’s relationship with alcohol.
Psychotherapy sessions – individual therapy and groups, can be especially helpful if you’ve had a long-term problematic relationship with alcohol or if you’re also dealing with other psychological problems like depression, anxiety, or trauma. Find a licensed professional in your area who specializes in addiction or alcohol treatment and who will support your chosen goal of either moderation or abstinence. And it’s ok if you don’t know yet! They should be able to help you with that choice.
From everyone on our team, we hope you find peace, joy, and tons of rest this holiday season!
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